If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
