Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
