I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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