apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
