my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
