Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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