Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
