worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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