genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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