I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
