How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
