I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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