How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
