He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
