do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Operation Purity has been aborted
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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