do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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