There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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