The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
