just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
God, I missed his penis.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
