he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize