Its about making memories worth repressing
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
