Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
