5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
