Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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