pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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