i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I would fuck him just for his dog
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
