He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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