Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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