It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
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