Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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