I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
