Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
