Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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