I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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