you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
