just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize