we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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