There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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