That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
