My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
