I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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