Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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