that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
