you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i out mim tonsoeep
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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