I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
