I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
