Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize