I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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