What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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