I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
