She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
