i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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