Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
