Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
