I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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