I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
