No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
