First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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