I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
