They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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