i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize