CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Vodka?
Forever.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
